So this is my second blog post in less than a day but I feel I really need to get this out of my system. Last week I lost my best friend, my 14 year old black labrador Becks.
To some people animals are just animals but to me Becks was so much more than just a pet. There are also people who feel their pets are more than a family pet and are a full family member but again to me Becks was so much more than just that. Becks was my truest friend, my closest ally and trusted confidante.
At 12 years old, a year or so after my family had lost Kelly the family dog, I had begged and begged my parents for another dog and was absolutely delighted when they finally relented and we visited a litter of 6 gorgeous black labrador puppies. My two brothers and I fell in love with Becks from the start. He was the most placid of the puppies, so easy going and patient and these qualities never changed.
Back in those days I was a quiet young girl with a passion for football, I hadn't even started kickboxing and so Becks was named after David Beckham - my hero at the time. I also hadn't been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and having Becks proved to be so vital to me over my teenage years, we grew to be inseparable. I spent hours training him and teaching him little tricks, Becks was always eager to learn and some worked out well and some not so well. I'm sure a lot of people have had the dream of teaching their dog to fetch them the newspaper out of the door....well I taught Becks how to do this, it worked well until he decided it would be more fun to snatch the newspaper out of the door and bark at the closed door! But most of the things I taught him surprisingly worked well despite my younger brother's interference - I remember one occasion where I was trying to teach Becks 'fetch' in the garden and my little brother decided to chase him round the garden which of course Becks thought was much more fun!!
Anyone who has grown up with Asperger's Syndrome will tell you that it isn't easy but when you grow up not knowing that you have Asperger's Syndrome life can be incredibly confusing, scary and sad, not knowing why you are different - this was my experience. In my teenage years I withdrew into myself a lot, I really struggled to connect with other people and to me it seemed that the people around me expected things of me that I could not give nor could I be. Then there was Becks. Becks who never expected me to be anything more than I was, who chose my company and completely adored me. So many people loved Becks and to so many children he was almost like their puppy too, they all wanted him but he was mine and for someone who had often felt 'bottom of the pile' that acceptance and unconditional love was so so important even if it came from a dog.
Becks always knew when I was upset or something was wrong. He was an incredibly affectionate and intuitive dog. I remember going through school I would just want to get home and see him because I knew when I did I would feel calm again. When there were bad days I would sit with Becks in the dark and somehow it all just felt better, he always stayed by my side and never left. One particular occasion that I remember vividly is when as an adult I had an occupational therapist visit me at home, again this was pre-diagnosis and at that time I suffered a lot of anxiety brought on through the worry of not knowing why some things didn't make sense to me. These visits were incredibly anxiety provoking for me and Becks must have sensed this. Normally when someone came to visit he would fuss around at the start but then get bored and either sleep or play with a toy somewhere else but on this occasion he sat by my side, eventually jumping up onto the sofa by me and resting his head on my leg. It was as though he knew I needed him.
Then came the day where I left home to make my own home with my husband. I missed Becks so much and we regularly had him come to visit and stay over night until he became too old. Despite the fact that I no longer lived at the family home Becks didn't forget me and everytime we were together it was just as it had always been.
Over this year Becks began to show signs of old age, physically he began to deteriorate and had difficulty walking. It has been heartbreaking to see him slowly stop running around, climbing stairs, jumping over things and playing. All year I have been dreading the day that I would lose him until I realised that I could never lose him. Whether Becks is still here or not he has helped to shape my life and played a role I wouldn't have had anyone else fill. So last Thursday when Becks suddenly became very ill I put everything to one side to make sure he was as comfortable as he could possibly be until we were able to have him put to sleep. As sad and awful that day was I will always treasure those hours I spent with Becks in my arms hoping that what I was doing could in some way repay him for everything he gave me and I was glad to hold him in my arms as he shut his eyes for the final time. One amazing, legend of a dog that I will miss terribly. RIP Becks, my best friend.
"Nothing is nicer than having someone who
appreciates you in the smallest things.. Accepts you in times of
hardships. Comforts you when you're troubled. Loves you no matter what
and is simply happy for having you in their life." - Ritu Ghatourey
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